FF7 Spring Break
by Slayer Ignatius
Summary: Ok this is my second fic it contains some pretty wierd stuff.......yeah.........pretty disturbing........ne ways FF7 decides that its time for a vacation with ........results......i guess.......
1. The deciding decision of decididual deci...

FF7 SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!  
  
----------------notes----------------  
  
FF7 is a copyright of squaresoft all other animes are property of their respective owners The HMC is property of the HMC and if you dare steal our idea face the wrath of cecil and his dancing sandwich  
  
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Cloud Cid Yuffie Vincent Barret and the others are all sitting in the planning room of the highwind discussing how to spend their spring vacation  
  
Cloud:hmm after all this crap we could really use a break  
  
Yuffie:hey....you guys do know that before this fic started you had all agreed that we were going to spring break right?  
  
Cloud: Fic? what are you talking about Yuffie?  
  
Yuffie: er...i mean um.......*whips out a script and begins reading it*  
  
*Ignatius and Cecil come down in a ray of light Ignatius then proceeds to burn Yuffies script Cecil begins dancing about the room while yelling do the trout then they disappear again*  
  
Cloud: ok so sping break then?  
  
Cid:I just had a great idea lets go to spring break  
  
Yuffie: *smacks Cid upside the head* you are so stupid  
  
Cid: *begins waving his hands arond in the air* WHOO HOO SPRING BREAK!!!!!  
  
*after getting their things together they all pile into the highwind*  
  
*Cid Barret Yuffie Aeris 'ressurected yet again by Ignatius' Tifa and the others all get in while cloud takes the wheel takeoff begins ad they are on their way*  
  
Cid: god *&^%* i have to sit next to this stupid lion thingy itll shed and get my nice flight jacket all full of cat hair *sits down*  
  
RedXII:*curls up and goes to sleep*  
  
* Cid takes this time to begin kicking the back of Yuffies seat while reading his newest issue of Flight Suit Chix Monthly*  
  
Yuffie:*turning around* WHO THE $&%* KEEPS KICKING THE BACK OF MY SEAT???!!!!  
  
Cid: *points at RedXII* it was him  
  
Yuffie:*turns back grumbling*  
  
Cloud:*comes into the room dressed as a beatnik with a bongo drum he begins beating on it while talking in ryhme* Tifa you so fat you got baptized at seaaaawwooorrrrrlllldddddd you have to use saturns rings as a bellllltlltltltltltlttltlltt  
  
Tifa: Cloud you &*^% moron im not fat  
  
*everyone stares at tifa and cloud as cloud begins twiddling his thumbs*  
  
Barret:......wait a sec CLOUD YOU SPIKEY ASSED @#$% WHOS FLYING THE *^&%%&^&%&%^*&^%&%*&%*&&*$^ HIGHWIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cloud: Um uh RedXII is yeah....im gonna go check on him now......  
  
Cid:*looks at the seat next to him and sees RedXII still sitting there and sighs*  
  
*a light comes on overhead as clouds voice comes over the loudspeaker*  
  
Cloud:*in superior captainy voice* um fasten your seatbelts we may be experiencing a little turbelence and ok 1...2...um...what comes next.....3 right? ok everyone SCREAM YOU LIFES ARE ON THE LINE PEOPLE!!!!!!  
  
* cloud then lands the highwind on 3 seperate buildings and they pile out*  
  
Exuent~CH 1.  
  
--------------------------  
  
ok people me and cecil will write more as soon as we see some reviews come in but until then im after the little blue punks that stole my cheese adue adue and may your trout never be furry in the lands of commerce  
  
Written at 4:00 A.M. by Ignatius/Burninwulf/Blakrex  
  
idea by Cecil 


	2. No need for decapitation? what does that...

FF7 Spring Break  
  
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Notes: FF7 is property of squaresoft all other animes and games are owned by there respective owners the HMC is property of the HMC and those that feel the need to copy it should just inhale a well placed cassette tape and just Choke and die no saving roll no heimlich maneuver they just choke and die no Buts just choke and die  
  
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CH.2 No need for decapitation  
  
Cloud: were HERE!!!!!!  
  
Cid: woohoo spring break!!!!!  
  
Yuffie: *wanders off to find a fake ID*  
  
Tifa:*heads off to the nearest bar Aeris in close pursuit as loud screams of denial of which one cloud loves echoing off into the distance*  
  
RedXII: Hey you freaky cat thing lets go do something so the author doesnt have to write about us  
  
Cait Sith: i cant figure it out why am i so hated *while flipping through an old issue of gamepro*  
  
*Ignatius suddenly beams down in a ray of light Therius erupts from the ground in a ball of leaping flames and Cecil rides in on a pogo stick whilst yelling 'im number one!!!!' Ignatius taps cid on the shoulder then appears behind him pushes him over and takes his concealed script Therius immediatly runs into the darkest corner of an alley and surrounds himself in candles Cecil begins chasing a woman down the street and yelling ' hey wait you look just like Aisha!!!!!!' then ' i can see myself in the eyes of the children and oh how it burns!!!' they then dissapear in the same matter they appeared *  
  
Cid:*after his attack he stumbles into the nearest bar in order to not screw up the script he forgot to read*  
  
Cloud: hey vincent i guess that leaves you and me  
  
Vincent:.........  
  
* cloud and vincent wander off to find some drunken colledge girls*  
  
Barret:* wanders off swearing under his breath after Cid*  
  
Yuffie: so this thing will get me into all of the bars in town?  
  
Man cloaked in shadow: yeah all of them MWA HA HA HA HA HA  
  
Yuffie: whats up with the evil laugh?  
  
Man cloaked in shadow: umm i have a cold?  
  
Yuffie: oh im sorry... * waits for the man to turn and leave and steals his wallet *  
  
*Man in shadow wanders off to buy a hotdog while thinking mmmm pancakes*  
  
Yuffie:*then walks into the nearest bar its filled with people she sits down and notices a figure shadowed in darkness*  
  
Shadowed man: do you know who i am?  
  
Yuffie: no  
  
Shadowed man: you sure?  
  
Yuffie: yes  
  
* the man then steps out to reveal hes the one and only the person responisible for meteor the person responsible for one winged angel the one and only THE POPE!!!!!!!*  
  
The pope :Greetings  
  
Yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} :hey again  
  
yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} :how're you doin?  
  
The pope :the same as always  
  
The pope says:you?  
  
Yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} says:i can't complain  
  
The pope :make sure not to bleed out your ears  
  
Yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} :ok, ill keep that in mind  
  
The pope :heh  
  
The pope:you remind me of a yak that I once knew  
  
The pope:  
  
its name was billy  
  
Yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} :  
  
a yak? as in the animal? and billy as in a boy?  
  
The pope:he was a fine young yak that I knew from the chicken war of '47  
  
The pope:I once took a bullet for him but then I gave it back  
  
Yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} says:i think your a little eccentric  
  
The pope:*squints and looks Yuffie in the eye* Is that you Billy?  
  
yuffie {Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} says:no! it's not  
  
The pope:Ok Billy  
  
The pope:Hows the Hoof?  
  
yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} :...  
  
The pope:What? Christmas you say? Heres 10 shillings go buy the biggest slab of beef in the house!  
  
The pope:*tosses Yuffie 10 cents*  
  
The pope:Go now young Grasshopper!  
  
Yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} :i though i was a yak?  
  
The pope:SO you are Billy!  
  
The pope:I knew it all Along!  
  
The pope:You aren't gonna slap me now are you?  
  
The pope:*Huddles in the corner* Dont hurt me  
  
The pope :Ill give you a dollar  
  
Yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} :hmm... well a dollar could do me a world of good... sure, ill take it!  
  
The pope:*hands Yuffie a dollar that has been burned repeatedly*  
  
The pope:it was my wood  
  
The pope:*Pulls out the skinned face of some old man and wears it on his face*  
  
The pope:I am Him  
  
The pope:I AM HIM!  
  
The pope:your not him  
  
The pope:I AM HIM!  
  
Yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} :* Goes 0 _ o*  
  
Yuffie{Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from other animals... except weasels} :fine  
  
* The possibly drunk pope wanders out of the bulding*  
  
Yuffie: that was just a BIT disturbing......  
  
MEANWHILE.......  
  
Man cloaked in shadow eating a hotdog: mmmmm pancakes i mean.....mmmmmm pancakes....  
  
Hot dog vendor: three bucks bub  
  
Man cloaked in shadow eating a hotdog: ok * digs for wallet* hey my moneys gone  
  
Hot dog vendor : looks like you'll be selling hot dogs for a while bub  
  
Man cloaked in shadow eating a hotdog: * pulls out the masamune and slashes the man into a pile of gore* mmm......gore i mean.......mmmmm pancakes..........  
  
MEANWHILE.........  
  
Cid : you know what barret  
  
Barret: what?  
  
Cid: you know what barret  
  
Barret: what?  
  
Cid: oh i didnt think you were lishening but you know that cloud guy?  
  
Barret:yeah  
  
Cid: hehhehehheheeeeeeeeheeeeee  
  
Barret: what the *&^% are you laughing at Shid  
  
Cid:* climbs up the tower of wine glasses in the center of the bar* LOOooooKKkkkkkk AAaaaTTT meeEE im LEONARDO DecccccccacacaaaaprioooooOOOooooo  
  
* Barret and Shid.....i mean Cid find themselves flat on their asses outside of the bar  
  
Cid: ohhhh man I think i had a few too many drinksh  
  
Barret:.....  
  
Cid : oh man Barretsh passssssSsssed out  
  
MEANWHILE........  
  
* Vincent and Cloud are being chased by hundreds of FF7 fans that dont seem to care how much mace is sprayed in theyre eyes by riot police*  
  
MEANWHILE.......  
  
*Cait Sith and RedXII are floating in the void of the authors unused characters*  
  
RedXII: you know the only reason we're here is because people hate you  
  
Cait Sith: you know Cat Dog Liony thing whatever the ^%## you are your begginning to get on my nerves  
  
MEANWHILE.....(this is the last meanwhile in the story i promise....... wait...doh i just said meanwhile again.....ARGH!! AND AGAIN im just going to stop talking NOW)  
  
*aeris and Tifa have finished in the bar and have gone to the nearest store*  
  
Aeris: so how much did you pay for those cantoloupes?  
  
Tifa: they were 75 Dollars a pound......  
  
Aeris: i see....... isnt that a little expensive for fruit?  
  
Tifa:......yes....Ahem....fruit.......  
  
Tifa: I wonder where the others are right now without us.........  
  
*Tifas mind* Cloud Vincent and the others - Tifa are all sitting around a campfire singing songs of old.........  
  
Tifa: wait that isnt good....... with me its......  
  
*tifas mind* everyone is in the 7th heaven fighting drunkly over everything as barret hits Cid with a chair and cloud throws vincent across the room  
  
Aeris: me too hmmm..........  
  
*Aeris mind* everyone is starving to death because no one knows how to cook besides Yuffie who for some reason has a diet pill addiction.......  
  
Aeris: hmm  
  
ALL THE WHILE........(see I didnt say meanwhile..........DOH!)  
  
Vincent: so your saying that brain surgery is common in optomotrist offices?  
  
Cloud: Yep pretty funny eh  
  
Vincent:...............................  
  
Cloud: Your not going to say im a complete moron are you?  
  
Vincent: I dont have to you did it for me  
  
Cloud: oh i see...................... Wait that was an insult!  
  
Vincent: no *&%$ sherlock  
  
Cloud: see you DO think im smart  
  
Vincent:..........................moron............  
  
Cloud: what was that?  
  
end act 2  
  
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So you people think that me Therius and Cecil should write more? well then review !!!!!!!  
  
if you think we should drop dead and give up fanfiction well lie and say you want us to write more!!!!!  
  
And if you believe that we will break all of your limbs if we dont get good reviews........then you'd be right.......  
  
Sincerely: Therius Akira  
  
Sighned: Ignatius Gardenia  
  
I want AISHA!!!!!!: Cecil Ardenos 


	3. My tapeworm tells me what to type

FF7 Spring Break  
  
Ch.3 MY TAPEWORM TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!  
  
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Notes: FF7 and all other animes are property of their respective owners The HMC is property of the HMC and anyone that takes our idea will force your UFO to wear pants and my grandma knows Kung-Fu and is not afraid to break it ps. the punks are blue and covered in cheese  
  
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Cloud and Vincent are wandering the streets aimlessly  
  
Cloud: 42  
  
Vincent: you do realize alls i asked you was 2 - 1 correct?  
  
Cloud: NoooOOoooo  
  
Vincent: you are an utter utter baka Cloud strife  
  
Cloud:I have chocolate........HEHEHHEHEHEEHEEE  
  
Vincent:*in mind* note to self Cloud+ chocolate = ACCESS DENIED!!!  
  
Cloud:*Tripping over something* Whoaaahhh  
  
Yuffie: oooaaaagghhooo  
  
Cloud: Whats this?  
  
Vincent: i think its dead......  
  
Yuffie: IdiotsSSSSssssSSSSSssssshhhh....uugghhh  
  
Cloud: lets bury it at air  
  
Vincent: OK  
  
Yuffie i am still alive!  
  
Cloud: hmm.... lets go  
  
*they climb a large tower and hold yuffie upside down from it*  
  
Yuffie:HEy IM STILL LIVE EEEHHAHHAHAYYYY  
  
Cloud: hey something brown fell!*releases Yuffie and grabs the wallet*  
  
Vincent: Cloud You idiot i cant HOLD HER!!!!!*begins teetering at the edge*  
  
Cloud: Its dead isnt it?  
  
Vincent: WHAT NO!! ITS YUFFIE!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GETTING BACK AT HER FOR GETTING DRUNK OFF HER ASS!!!!  
  
Cloud:um....no?  
  
BACK AT THE SPACE NEEDLE (Hostiledude: because I felt like it!)  
  
RedXIII: Why are we on the space needle?  
  
Person43: That thing talked! Let's poke it with these novelty sharp sticks!  
  
*People 2-50 pull out sharp sticks and begin chasing RedXIII (Hostiledude: Person 1 is dead for some reason)*  
  
Cait Sith: There's something I've always wanted to do here!  
  
*Cait Sith drops all of his pennies (423) off the space needle, and sounds of pain and devastation come from the streets below, where all the citizens of Seattle have been decapitated.*  
  
*RedXIII walks back up, full of holes*  
  
RedXIII: Where the hell did you get all those pennies?  
  
Cait Sith: I was using one of those novelty penny machines that imprint shapes and I got kind of carried away...  
  
SUDDENLY!!!!.....  
  
Ignatius Warps in in a flash of light runs behind Cait sith and grabs a stack of stolen scripts from the sovenier shop , Cecil rides in on a unicycle and begins hitting person 1 (the dead one) with a sqeaky carrot, Therius erupts from the ground of leaping flames runs to the nearest dark corner and fills it with candles and begins to meditate, Suddenly a slash appears in midair that widens and becomes a portal through time and space as Hostiledude warps in carrying Aisha,  
  
Hostiledude: hey what the *&^% we made another wrong turn?  
  
BACK IN FLORIDA!!!....  
  
Cid: Letshhhsssttss to to the tap-dancing classsssshhhtttssss  
  
Barret: I pity da ... uh... fee... i mean foo... who don't.... what were we talking about?  
  
*Suddenly Yuffie comes flying through the air and lands in between Cid and Barret*  
  
Yuffie: I'm drunkkkkkk....  
  
Cid: Ha!!! *pukes* Ha!!! *pukes again*  
  
*suddenly Cid is hit in the head with a penny*  
  
Cid: What the #*$&#@ hell?! These were in Seattle! How did they end up falling in &#$% florida?!  
  
Thunderous Voice: It was me!!!  
  
Yuffie: *looks around* It seems we have a leprechaun problem...  
  
MEANWHILE...  
  
Vincent: I've had my fill of your whining incompetence!  
  
Cloud: I don't like your costume either, but you don't hear me threatening to sick my kung fu grandma on you!  
  
Vincent: I didn't say that, you $&#^@%$!  
  
Cloud: Sounds like somebdy needs a hug!  
  
Vincent: Get away from me, you vampire molester! I'll jump! ...ah, what the hell!  
  
*Vincent jumps off the building*  
  
Cloud: If only I had a pot of shillings... I'd buy a big... (Hostiledude: Sue me!!) pikachu steak!  
  
Cloud: Either that or a gaishou... (Hostiledude: as in an external wound!!!)  
  
MEANWHILE AT THE SPACE NEEDLE (Hostiledude: Yet again!)  
  
Hostiledude: Holy %$#^!!! The Angels are attacking our homeworld!  
  
Therius: We must be going!  
  
Ignatius: But first...  
  
*Ignatius snatches the scripts of people 1 (yes, the dead one)-50 and feeds them to Sensei Flubbiyama*  
  
*Hostiledude cleaves a tear in the fabric of space and time and steps through*  
  
*The rest leave in their corresponding ways, and Flubbiyama jumps off the space needle, causing a major earthquake and nearly leveling what was left of the city after the penny incident*  
  
Cait Sith: Hmmm........(Ignatius: come on think of a smart comment THINK FOR GODS SAKE THINK!!!) Pancakes  
  
MEANWHILE!!!...or is it?  
  
Vincent: *injured badly and delirious* Homework is more important than chores, grandma!  
  
Vincent: *sees a big buff guy* Hey, it's mister Rogers!  
  
Buff Guy: I ain't no Mr. Rogers!  
  
Mr. Rogers: Yes you are! *Takes off his shoes and shirt and throws them at Buff Guy*  
  
Vincent: I knew you were Mr. Rogers! Pancakes!  
  
Buff Guy Rogers: damn... Hello, kids! I'm going to teach you how to commit suicide! *Slits his throat*  
  
*All the kids in the city scream at the same time, inciting a mass riot complete with terrorists and grandmas wielding canes and even the occasional interdimensional monster*  
  
Vincent:mmmmm blood i mean......mmmmm blood *gets on all fours and begins licking up the blood*  
  
Cloud Vampire!! EEEKKKK  
  
Vincent: so?  
  
Cloud: i dunno lets go  
  
Vincent: ok  
  
MeAnWhIlE (Ignatius: does that count as meanwhile...?.......wait.....i said it the other way too.......DOH!!)  
  
Instructor: ok now heres the secret to tap dancing  
  
Cid:*raises his hand* what was the secret again?  
  
Instructor: i havent said it yet......hey wait your grown men why are you here?  
  
Yuffie: Whheheeeee look at me im a dancing queen *does her victory dance*  
  
Cid: Uh.....yeah.....  
  
Instructor: Ohhh i see your with the girl  
  
Barret: WHaaaaa Shid They're out of the pretty pink dancing shoes!!!! *passes out*  
  
Instructor: I see....... well lets continue the secret is a little thing i call tapatapatapa  
  
Cid:*raises his hand* what was the last part?  
  
Instructor: Tapa  
  
Cid: No the last part  
  
Instructor: Tapa  
  
Cid: No the LAST part:  
  
Instructor: Tapa  
  
Cid: Ahhh forget it ill just fake my way through it  
  
Instuctor: yeah....anyways a 1 and a 2 and a tapa tapa tapa  
  
Cid :* pulls out his venus gospel and begins doing the famous football players dance* AHHH SPIDER!!! * shoves is venus gospel through the ceiling*  
  
Yuffie: YEEAAAhhhhh *does a quick spin and sending everyone next to her's head rolling*  
  
Barret:*regaining conciousness* Noooo i pity the foo i do i do i pity em yes i do  
  
Cid: hey lets go do something else  
  
Yuffie: ok  
  
Barret: i pity the foo......  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
Cloud: I cant believe she's gone  
  
Vincent: Who? Yuffie?  
  
Cloud: No MR. Rodgers  
  
Vincent: but you said....  
  
Cloud: MR. Rodgers!  
  
MEAnWhile  
  
Aeris: Thats a nice pair of hooters you have there  
  
Tifa: Eh? oh i paid 75 dollars a pound  
  
Aeris: thats a little expensive for owl burger  
  
Tifa:.....yes owl burger.......  
  
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Notes: Yes Hostiledude and me took turns writing this as did i and therius with the second and me and Cecil with the first......ne ways  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!..........or dont come crying to me if your smote by a flaming corpse regards of therius.....  
  
Sighned:Ignatius Gardenia  
  
Sincerely:Therius Akira  
  
I REALLY WANT AISHA!!!!!:Cecil Ardenos  
  
May the darkness approach: Hostiledude 


End file.
